Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
