I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
