Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
