Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
