The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What a dumb baby whore.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
