Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
