Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
