Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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