She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
