I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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