remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
