If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
