Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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