The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
