non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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