someone owes me an orgasm
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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