just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
