i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
