i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
