I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just high enough for therapy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
and you fell through a lawn chair
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
