i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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