what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
