I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
