I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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