I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
