My liver just broke up with me...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So much rum. So many feels.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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