dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think i scared a bird with my dick
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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