all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
