i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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