his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My dick has a subreddit
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
