too bad you live with your parents still
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
