If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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