a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
