i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
