Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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