ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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