she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
