i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
