I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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