I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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