Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
