my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
