Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
