yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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