I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ladies don't puke and tell
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
