hotel room ftw
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
