he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
