tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
