Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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