I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
