I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
