New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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