Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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