So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
