Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
