Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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